Have you ever wanted something so much you could taste it? That’s a funny expression – but do you know what I mean.. It’s like having a craving for something and your mind and actions are totally consumed by it until you satisfy that craving.
It’s when this thing that you want is the only thing you can think about and talk about. It’s the topic your mind wanders to. It’s the star of every movie in your head- and it plays both the role of the hero and the villain – the hero because you want it so much and the villain because you don’t have it yet.
If you’re still not sure what I’m talking about or if this applies to you.. Think about a time when you were waiting for an answer from someone, waiting to find out the outcome of a situation, waiting to see the results of your own hard work.
Wanting in All Areas of your Life
This “urgent wanting” can happen in all areas of your life – it can happen at work – wanting a project to be over, wanting to learn and master your role when you’re in a new position, wanting to find out who was selected for the promotion you interviewed for… or even, just wanting a new position or promotion to open up so you can apply for it.
This wanting can happen in your personal health and wellness, once you’ve started eating healthy, you can want your unhealthy cravings to subside already, you want the numbers to decrease on the scale, you want your body to finally fit into the smaller size clothes.
During workouts, it can be wanting to be able to do that exercise already, that many reps, to be able to push yourself to that next level that you’re reaching for. You want to see that progress that you’ve been working towards.
In relationships, it can be wishing you would finally meet someone good, waiting for someone to respond to your text, hoping for a magical question to be asked, agonizing over how long it will take to forgive, or to be forgiven, thinking about when the tension or coldness will finally lift between the two of you.
In your business, it could be about when you’ll finally get the next sale, or sign your next client, it can be about when your podcast will finally gain traction or when your follower count on social media will increase. It can be wondering when you’ll feel comfortable introducing yourself and what you do confidently when you meet people. It can be waiting for the “right time” to promote your offer or raise your prices or launch your next thing.
And there’s a hundred other ways this wanting can show up in your life – having more money, the first day of a vacation, when you get to see your long lost friend again, waiting for a vaccine to be developed, for this season to transition into the next, better, season. Even just the waiting for the weekend.
This wanting, this waiting, this wishing it would get here already is urgency. And the urgency represents resistance to your current reality. Wow!
Have you ever considered that your wanting or wishing for something that’s not here yet could be a form of resistance?
And I don’t tell you this to blame or shame you.. I tell you (and myself) this so that you’re aware of some subliminal thoughts and beliefs. Once you’re aware of them.. You can decide what you want to do with those thoughts and beliefs.
Accept or Surrender to the Current Reality
For example, if instead of resisting, if you accept or surrender to the current reality, you are open, you trust, there’s no need to want or struggle.
This urgency we feel around these things that we want, that we’re so hungry and desperate for, it is a kind of scarce thinking.
When we are in scarcity, we are in fear that there is not enough.I want to share a few ways you can consider and explore what you’re wanting and wishing for.
Here’s what you can think about when you notice yourself wanting things too quickly.
Journey or the Destination
The first point of exploration is to ask yourself: Is it the journey or the destination?
And then, figure out, what are you telling yourself will happen at the destination?
In order to surrender to your current reality.. Can you find value, and acceptance in the journey – in your current reality?
Rather than telling yourself that the arrival at the destination will be so much better than now? Are we thinking that we’ll feel a certain way then (in the future) that we can’t feel now (in the present)?
If you are looking for shortcuts or ways to speed up the process, or to check out of the current journey, it may mean that you’re not valuing your current learning and experience on this journey.
To use a slightly related metaphor, one of my favorite teachers, Brooke, talks about how sometimes if you’re heading somewhere on a bike, it would be faster- you would get to the destination faster, if you stopped and took the time to get off the bike, get into a car and program the GPS. Then, ride the rest of the way to you’re going in a clear path in a faster vehicle.
I love this metaphor as encouragement and “permission” to stop and efficiently strategize instead of just continuing in the same manner just because you’ve gotten started.
BUT.. on the other hand, what if you ALSO had the option to just enjoy a leisurely bike ride and notice that going slower on a bike is not a problem at all. What’s the rush?
Why give up a lovely bike ride to sit in a car?
Specific Example of Wanting Too Quickly
If you’re in a new job or a new business and you hate feeling new and you’re just so eager and anxious to finally feel competent and feel like you know what you’re doing, your impatience at your own “beginner level” could be adding more stress to your learning process.
Can you think of a way that instead of resisting being a beginner, and not being as competent as you will be 6 months or a year from now, can you allow yourself to be new in this role?! To ask multiple questions? To make mistakes? And allow all of that, rather than reject it?
And tell yourself: “of course I’m going to have so many questions, I’m new. Of course I’m going to make mistakes, this is my first time doing this. Of course I’m not going to feel 100% confident, I just started this and I’ve never done it before.
So that’s the first area to explore when you notice you may be wanting something too quickly.. You may be overlooking the journey and just focusing on the destination.
The second question you can ask yourself is very similar, it’s WHAT are you overlooking by looking ahead? Are you stifling yourself by staying in scarcity?
The Waiting Place
When I was a teenager, my best friend, Lisa, and I used to love the Dr. Seuss book “Oh, the Places You’ll Go.”
I think one of must have received it as a graduation gift and we loved the quirky art and inspirational messages in the book. One part of the book that we both related to so much and referred to frequently in our conversations was the description of The Waiting Place.
It’s a dreary place where everyone is just waiting.. Waiting for their hair to grow, waiting for wind to fly a kite, waiting for fish to bite and waiting for a better break.
In my late teens and early twenties, I actively believed in the Waiting Place so much, and I just accepted that it wasn’t optional, that sometimes, circumstances caused me to just be waiting.. And I had no options, no possibilities.. I assumed everything was outside my control because I believed that the Waiting Place was a stagnant state to be in.
Overlooking my Own Options
By looking ahead to what I wanted, where I wanted to be, what I wanted to happen, instead of noticing where I was, who I already was, what was already happening around me, I was overlooking my own options and assuming they were fixed, stagnant, and out of my control. I was overlooking my own possibilities. By believing in this stagnant Waiting Place, I assumed I was a victim of my circumstance. I was stifling myself with my scarcity outlook.
It wasn’t until years later that I realized – that sad, depressing, confining, stifling waiting place wasn’t even real. It was just a metaphor that I read about in a children’s book.. And totally believed and acted upon. I remember times in my early adult life when I told myself “well, I’m in the waiting place- it sucks.. But nothing I can do, I just need to wait it out and suffer.” and that wasn’t true at all – I can see now, I probably had so many options that I was totally blind to – yes, maybe whatever I was waiting on would take a set amount of time or an unknown amount of time.. But that didn’t mean it had to suck, or that there was nothing I could do in the meantime. It certainly didn’t mean I had to suffer.
What a liberating realization!
Feeling Stuck Where You Are?
So, right now, if you’re noticing you are in a hurry for a business to take off, or for circumstances to change, or for a situation to improve, or for fish to bite or for wind to fly a kite.. Instead of feeling stuck where you are, can you feel free and expansive where you are?
What if the current reality is exactly the right place to be in this moment, and not the waiting place?
What if this place, this moment in time has so many options and possibilities for you that you’re not noticing because you’re focused on what should or could happen?
That’s the 2nd point of exploration – notice what you’re overlooking.
Are You Giving Power to an Event in the Future
The 3rd area to explore is to wonder if you are giving power to an event in the future that may not happen?
Here’s a disclaimer: this entire episode is really a reminder and invitation to myself, but I’m hoping you’ll benefit from it too.
Here’s what I’ve been dealing with the past few weeks:
I’m getting ready to move from my current house to another house in the neighboring town. I’ve lived in my current house for 13 years, and even though, four years ago I started embracing the concept of minimalism and have gone through some pretty significant purges and decluttering cycles, I still have so much stuff.
So, I’m giving a lot of power to this upcoming move. I’m telling myself it will be disruptive and uncomfortable and that it will interrupt my routine, and basically, ruin my life (that’s just a little example of how dramatic my primitive brain likes to be).
I’m noticing thoughts like:
- I wish it was done already
- I don’t want to take the time to go through everything because it will take too long
- The new house is going to be a complete nightmare with all of our stuff plus the mess of renovation all at once
Does the Future Have Power Over Me?
And what I’m noticing, is that I’m definitely believing this upcoming move, that is in the future and has all the power over me.
I’m not valuing the moving process.
My rush and urgency, for this all to be done and over with, is both a source and an outcome of resistance for me.
So, this is me, giving my power to an event in the future that I’m pretty sure will happen, but hasn’t happened yet.. And I’m just experiencing all my imagined discomfort in advance.
What if, instead of giving so much power to this “disruptive move” if I just managed my mind every new day, about what I have going on for today.. Not for what will happen or might happen in 4 weeks?
How ironic that my “rush” because of my thoughts about what could happen in 4 weeks are actually slowing me way down right now by creating so much resistance for me.
Can you relate? Or have you experienced this at some point in your life?
“No Rush” and “Things Take Time”
About a year ago, this topic must have been on my mind, because I wrote in my journal one Friday morning:
I’m really into the idea of “no rush” and “things take time.”
Can I let things unfold at their own speed? Without resistance to the reality that it ISN’T happening faster?
And as I do that, can I enjoy and relax and be in the present moment, with acceptance?
I wrote about how I decided to apply that acceptance to 4 different areas of my life at the time:
- A work situation
- Paying off some debt I had strategically taken on
- Knowing how and when to take the next step in my business
- The bathroom remodel (that I was also dreading at that time.. & it hadn’t even started yet)
And here I am, over a year later, the work situation was completely resolved (I can barely even remember the drama I was creating for myself), the debt is all paid off, I took the next steps in my business and figured out when and how to do it, the bathroom remodel was completed and turned out beautifully.
Apply that Acceptance
So, I want to apply that acceptance to this move that I’m creating so much drama for myself about right now.
I can notice that I can enjoy and relax, and just be, in the present moment, with acceptance (not so much resistance).. And I can remind myself that a year from now I’ll probably look back at myself now and think: “What was her rush? Why was she in such a hurry? Why so much resistance?”
Do you think it would be helpful for you to apply these questions and explorations to your own areas of urgency in your life right now?
Can you see possibility? Can you see value in the journey? Or can you recognize the futility of slowing yourself down with your own resistance?
Before we go, I’ll share one more personal experience that happened earlier this year, in February of 2020. (I also found this as I was re-reading through my old journal entries, my favorite novel to read! The one I wrote for myself about myself! – except, it’s more of memoir because it’s non-fiction).
Here’s What I Wrote
I want to do so much. I want to start visiting Mom and Dad more frequently, I want to write content every day, I want to spend time with my friends, I want to take advantage of the training I’m enrolled in, I want to have a day off, I want to do well in my work, I want to re-do my vision board, I want to organize an event for March and I want to research a topic I’m curious about..
And even writing that last part, I exhaled after it because I was getting myself caught up in what I wanted to do.
How can I feel so abundant about time?
There’s infinite time. Time is infinite. The right things will rise to the surface if I stay in alignment.
Time is infinite and everything will happen in its own time. All the things I want to do are an example of abundance for me – a reminder that so much is available to me.
And, there’s no threat or danger – if zero of those things happen, my life will still be perfect and enjoyable, delightful and interesting and engaging because something else will happen.
So, either, I’ll do 1 or some or all or none of what I’m expecting to do.. And it will all be great.
I Can Help You with This
And, if you want, I can even help you with this! You can get coached, by me, through this whole process of noticing what you’re currently in a hurry for.. And where you might have some unexamined resistance that’s actually holding you back.
If you’re feeling hopeful or curious about this right now – stop what you’re doing and schedule some time for us to talk!
I have plenty of times you can choose from.. And if none of those work, just send me an email and we’ll work it out. You can either do a Free Exercise with me where we look at different areas of your life to find out how coaching can be most beneficial to you, or you can sign up for a 1-off session.. or even a monthly coaching package.