Opening to Possibilities
Here we are in week 6 of this 8 part series all about how to let go and surrender.
This week we are discussing releasing the grip and opening to possibilities.
Give yourself Credit
Give yourself credit for making it through 75% of this work (after this post). By the way, if you’re just starting here, on the tail end of this series, you can go back and start at the beginning .
If you want to follow along and notice your own thoughts and collect your own ideas as you learn about this, make sure to get the Let Go and Surrender journal which is arranged in 8 sections and matches each of these 8 weeks.
This is Working!
This is WORKING for me – so well and I hope it’s working for you too.
Because I have been thinking about and writing and reading and saying these ideas and examples for the past month and a half, this work has seeped into my subconscious.
I am noticing myself feeling more calm and relaxed about certain things. I am catching myself accepting and letting go. I am aware of how much I am receiving and how abundant my life is in so many ways.
One of the ways I have been feeling abundant and receiving is all the great responses I have gotten from all of you about this series.
I am so delighted you are loving it and that you’re telling me about it!
Appreciation for Your Feedback
Thank you for all the comments and messages about this series.
Sandra let me know she was late to a meeting because she needed to write down the journal prompts.
Zayne messaged me a “mic drop” quote about something he loved.
I got emails and comments and messages from Christy, Rose, Bob and Nikki! And I know there are other examples of you appreciating this series that I’m not mentioning right now (like those of you who have purchased the journal and are following along).
Thank you SO much! It’s giving me even more excitement and motivation to keep going and to create even more to benefit ALL of us!
Releasing the Grip
This week, we have 3 areas to talk about in the context of releasing the grip and opening to possibility. We will discuss the difference between our inner wisdom and the mind. We will consider what it means to be 100% authentic and we will break down the 3 stages of surrender.
Remember, “the grip” I am talking about is this misunderstood idea that we can or do control anything outside of ourselves. The grip is our attachment to how the future should be or how other people should behave or what should be happening in reality.
Instead, we can release the grip and open to all the possibilities. There are so many options!
Inner Wisdom and the mind
First let’s notice the difference between the inner wisdom and the mind.
We can explore and identify these very different parts of our identities.
What do I mean when I say “inner wisdom?”
This is maybe what you would consider your soul, your Higher Self, your essential self. It’s a deep and trusted knowing. It’s not always the loudest voice that you may hear though.
In fact, we do a really good job of paying attention to the louder, quicker voice (which is usually not your inner wisdom).
I think of my inner wisdom as quiet, slow, calm, measured and not attention-seeking. This wisdom knows all of our needs always have been and always will be met. This wisdom knows abundance and love.
In contrast, when we think of the mind (maybe you would consider it your ego) it is very survival-based because it’s coming from your limbic system or your amygdala.
The mind can represent your social self who is concerned with being accepted and making sure that you’re part of the pack.
Your inner wisdom is more about a deep, trusting, knowing and your mind is more about thinking or reacting.
One of my favorite expressions, that you’ve probably heard me say, is “the answers we seek are inside of us.”
The Answers We Seek
I honestly believe that the answers that we seek are deep inside of us in our inner wisdom, even though our mind might be quick to give us answers in any given situation.
Brene Brown has a post that says “I know I am not listening to myself, when I notice I’m asking other people what I should do.” This quote makes me think of someone not tapping into that quiet, calm, knowing wisdom and instead listening to the more alert, fast-talking mind saying “ask her, ask him – someone’s gotta know the right answer!”
Think about what you think about throughout the day. Notice the voice, the narration, the suggestions, maybe you’re noticing the mind chatter. Maybe, sometimes, you do get a sense of something much deeper, much wiser. That mind chatter is the mind and that deeper, wiser information is most likely coming from your inner wisdom.
Part of letting go is quieting that urgent mind chatter and noticing the messages you get from your intuition. Sometimes your mind, in an attempt to protect you, will try to block or argue away your intuition.
If you practice noticing and listening to your inner wisdom, you can use it as a guide to trust yourself and feel more at peace.
The more you trust yourself, the more authentic you can be. Authenticity is when we think and act in alignment with our true inner wisdom, not our ego.
We can intentionally share what we are thinking and feeling without needing to “please others.”
I’m sure we’ve all heard someone excuse something they just said by saying “I’m just being honest.” My suspicion is that they needed to make that excuse because while their mind believed what they said was “the truth,” what they said was probably not authentically aligned from their inner wisdom. It was maybe something spoken as a reaction or something said out of fear or in defense.
The opposite of blurting something out as suggested by the mind is when we hold ourselves back from saying something that is really authentic to us.
Real Time Authenticity
Here’s an example of me being 100% authentic in real time, despite what my ego might be afraid of.
Both my ego and my inner wisdom are delighted with the positive feedback I’ve been getting that I mentioned a few paragraphs up – but for different reasons.
My ego likes the positive feedback because compliments and appreciation literally feed the ego.
My inner wisdom knows I love this topic. I believe the best way to learn something is to teach it. I know it is helpful to you. Sharing these things is completely aligning and fulfilling for me in a really deep way.
When I thought about sharing with you that I’ve gotten this positive reaction, my ego (or we could say, my social self) worried “no, that’s bragging. People might not like it if I seem to be publicly congratulating myself.”
The inner wisdom (or we could say, my essential self) knew it was fine to share. I know you delight in hearing what delights other people.
I also know that I can not control your emotions by sharing or withholding my good news.
What Being 100% Authentic Means
Being 100% authentic means being able to tell the difference between where a suggestion (to share or not mention something) is coming from.
Authenticity also means saying “No thank you.” without worrying you might offend or disappoint. It means saying “I really like this.” without being afraid of “looking uncool” or being judged or made fun of.
The more authentic we are to ourselves and others, the less we think we need to control anything outside of ourselves and the more we can let go and let life happen.
3 Stages of Surrender
The first stage is resistance. It’s like an entitlement or an ultimatum. It’s when you think “I better get this or this better happen.”
You’re resisting the possibility that it might not happen or you might not get it. You feel very attached.
Remember that physical metaphor I shared a few weeks ago – when you are gripping a tiny thing in your fingertips. You are literally resisting gravity by grasping and squeezing this thing in your fingers.
Zoom out from the physical metaphor and scan your last 24 hours or so, is there anything you have been gripping or grasping or trying to control or hold on to. Is there anything you are resisting?
The second stage of surrender is acceptance (but with an asterisk).
It’s telling yourself this is how it is and I can make this happen (whatever it is that you want).
Maybe you try to manifest or manipulate.
There is still a level of attachment, but it is mixed with some acceptance that you don’t control everything.
But you might think “I can do something. I might have a little control.”
There’s a bit of practicality in there.
There’s thinking and scheming and wondering with the acceptance that you don’t currently have what you want and you’re not forcing it.
But you’re trying to finesse it. So, it is not complete resistance. There is the acceptance factor here, but acceptance with some attachment still.
The third stage of surrender is what we’ve been working on this whole time: it is letting go.
It’s offering up whatever it is that you want. It’s recognizing “it’s not mine.” It’s trusting.
It’s saying “I don’t know what is supposed to happen and I trust what will come.”
The 6 Ws
My very favorite way to look at the three 3 stages of surrender with authenticity and knowing the difference between the inner wisdom and the mind is to think of the 6 W questions.
We all learn these questions in school. When we try to think about different situations or write papers or explain things, a short cut is to use the 6 Ws. The 6 Ws are who, what, where, when, why and how.
When we think about using these six Ws in letting go and surrender, you can think of the questions in 2 columns: not your business, and is your business.
What is your business out of those 6 questions?
The word “What” is the reality of the situation.
It’s you noticing: this is happening. I do have this or I do not have this. The what is acknowledging she did say. What is whatever the reality is.
The 2nd W is Why
This is your intention.
This is your purpose. Your true Why is really coming from your 100% Authenticity. You are not trying to please anyone. You are not trying to choose the correct answer or show up the right way. Your Why is coming from a deep sense of peace from your inner wisdom.
The Who represents you as you show up from your inner wisdom, not from your ego. It’s you as 100% worthy person believing that you are lovable and deserving. The Who is you knowing there’s nothing wrong with you and you don’t have to prove anything.
You can notice and acknowledge the What, Why and Who, or in other words what is really happening, why you want what you want and who you are: a worthy, deserving human on this planet.
The Other 3 W questions
Here’s what’s not your business, the other 3 W questions: how, when and where.
When you think you know how something should happen or how things will play out, you are trying to control something outside of your control. You are guessing the future (but your mind doesn’t see it as a guess. Your mind sees it as a demand!)
You cannot control how things will go. We might think we can. We plan for and hope for the how and it might turn out that way but it might turn out a completely different way.
The same goes with When. We don’t know when we will get what we want. We don’t know when things will happen. We don’t know when a problem will be resolved. If we are thinking things should happen by a certain time, that’s us gripping a timeline. The when is not really ours to decide.
And we don’t know Where the solution will come from. Oftentimes we’re surprised by it. So if we can drop the needing to know where a solution will come from and when it will happen, and how exactly it will happen – if we can drop all of those and just trust that we are accepting what is reality, why we want what we want and who we are (which is 100% worthy), we can feel more calm.
Verse to Practice Surrender
Let me remember to be clear and confident.
Let me be thoughtful and open.
I can express myself.
I know others will see me how they see me.
Let my voice be authentic to inspire myself and others.
Let me be vibrant.
Let me surrender.
Chakra and Maslowe’s Hierarchy
We are continuing to move up Maslowe’s hierarchy and the chakras and this week we are in the 4th level esteem.
The needs being met at this level are all about self-worth and self-belief, confidence and respect (from others, but from ourselves first). When you tap into your inner wisdom and allow yourself to be 100% authentic, you are more confident. You believe in your own worth. Other people can respect you because you respect yourself.
These concepts align perfectly with the throat chakra which is all about authenticity communicating your needs and your truth. This chakra is all about self-expression and purpose, or in other words, the “who is able to share the why.”
How do I show myself I matter?
What is the fear blocking me from being 100% authentic?
Do I fully forgive myself?
As you are taking notes and writing your journal entries this week, remember to continue noticing the new things you have experienced, received and learned as you are following along in this work.
If you keep a list as they show up, you will be amazed at the progress, transformation and abundance that is being created! Share your list with me!
Wrapping up and Links
Next week is the 2nd to last part of this series, so it’s test time!
Uh-oh, are you getting flashbacks from being in class and someone saying “will this be on the final?” Don’t worry! It’s not that kind of test. We will be talking about how tests and experiments play into letting go and surrendering. Here’s session 7: https://bexb.org/tests/
RSVP for the hybrid workshop + discussion happening at the end of this month on Tuesday, Feb 21st, 2023. We will be learning and talking about abundance and scarcity. Get all the details and links to join
Get the Let Go and Surrender Journal to follow along for these 8 episodes: https://amzn.to/3vM0v5W
See upcoming events: https://bexb.org/letsmeet/
Get a weekly gentle journaling check in – https://bexb.org/weekly/
Join a daily journal prompt FB group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/journalingfriendship
Shop for irresistible notebooks: https://bexb.org/quickshop
Check out all the other stuff I do: https://bexb.org/links/
Great podcast as always. You could have taught our lesson in church last Sunday and been 100 per cent in tune with our collective inner voice.