Settling in to Surrender
Today we are in the 3rd of 8 posts all about how to let go and surrender.
If you missed the previous weeks, go back to those first so you can read them all in order.
Week 1 was the introduction to how and why to let go and surrender and how these 8 posts will follow and provide context for the Let Go & Surrender journal.
Last week I shared some specific ways you can practice surrender.
I am so curious if you have tried any of those specific activities for yourself?
Have you cleaned anything out? Have you let any “things” go?
Were you able to catch yourself throughout the week and say “No, I don’t complain or I say “no” to worry?”
How did you say “yes” to abundance this past week?
What were you able to give?
What did you receive openly and gratefully?
Settling in to Surrender
This week we are settling deeper into surrender now that we have had some time to let our minds get used to the idea of it and maybe we have already started practicing in some small ways.
Now, let’s focus even more on how we can let go in order to have healthy relationships with ourselves and others. Let’s get a little more specific about what might be blocking us and let’s notice and accept the discomfort that comes along with transformation.
The main theme for today’s post (and for letting go and surrendering in general) is to accept.
In order to have healthy relationships with others, you accept them as they are.
You have a healthy relationship with yourself when you accept yourself.
When you accept reality and your own lack of control, the obstacles and blocks dissipate.
You feel more comfortable when you accept the uncomfortable parts of growth.
Healthy Relationship with Self and Others
We create and enjoy healthy relationships with ourselves and others.
When we have expectations about how we should act and how other people should be, we may be inviting stress and resistance.
Oh, the Irony!
As a side note, another main theme for today’s post could be irony, because as I was preparing, so many ironies popped up for me!
The first irony was when I was thinking about some of my own relationships and wondering what stories I could share to demonstrate letting other people be and act how they are and I thought of someone I know who tends to complain.
I thought to myself “this person complains too much. It’s not helpful. I don’t like it.” The irony is, I was complaining to myself about this person’s complaining!
And last week, I shared that part of practicing surrender is to say NO to complaining!
Have I mentioned that I am my own #1 client and student! These posts are for me to teach and remind myself first and foremost!
Accepting or Rejecting Behavior
The 2nd relationship story to share shows how I accept or reject the exact same behavior in 2 different people for different reasons.
Sometimes I spend time with a person who suffers from some cognitive decline and memory loss. In the span of a 20 minute conversation, this person might retell the same anecdote or story 3-4 times. I know this and I accept it, so when we have a conversation, I react kindly and with love to the first telling of the story and the also 4th re-telling of the story 15 minutes later. Our conversation sounds like it’s on a loop and that’s fine.
In another relationship, sometimes I talk with someone who tells me some stories and opinions over and over again but I don’t accept it. In fact, I get really frustrated and annoyed. I hope I’m still reacting kindly (but I know on the inside, I’m not feeling love – I’m feeling annoyance).
What is the difference between my reactions to the same behavior from 2 different people?
In the first example, I have accepted (and expect) that I will hear the same story told within one conversation.
In the second example, I don’t expect the person to repeat themselves and I don’t think they should. I think they should remember what we have talked about before.
Now that I am sharing this story with you, I can see so clearly how I have the option to accept the repetitive story telling all the time instead of telling myself that a person should not repeat themselves. I can accept the behavior of the 2nd repetitive story teller just like I accept the 1st. I can remember, people are how they are and do what they do and I don’t need to think they should be different. Thinking that thought is so much more peaceful for me.
Our Relationship with Ourselves
How can we let go in our relationship with ourselves?
We can remind ourselves we are 100% worthy and always have been and always will be. That means we do not have to strive to be better than we are or prove anything to anyone or ourselves.
If any feelings of shame, doubt, guilt, remorse, unworthiness or anything like that creates stress for us, we can just let go of those emotions.
I can remind myself that I am a successful, mature, self-sufficient human whose basic needs are always met and who is creative and able to grow and learn and also receive help from others.
I do not need to please other people to be worthy of their love.
Our Relationships with Others
How can we let go in our relationships with others?
We can allow others to be who and how they are and decide to love them unconditionally.
We can remember that what we think their expectations of us are may not be their expectations at all. Those might just be our own expectations that we are projecting on to other people. How convoluted!
How would you like to let go in your relationships? Both with others and with yourself? Is anything blocking you from just accepting?
Here’s another irony that popped up as I was preparing this week’s post. I was catching up with a friend and she asked what I was working on. I said that I was working on this, but I was feeling blocked. She asked what the topic was and I said “clearing blocks.” I KNOW! The irony is blaring in my ears!!
Here I am trying to control the outcome.
I want this post to be helpful and interesting and thought provoking. My brain is telling me it needs to be “good enough.” All these suggestions and rules and expectations about this post had been blocking me from working on it. These blocks are creating stress and resistance for me.
Notice What Block Us
Another way to settle more deeply into surrender is to notice thoughts and feelings that block us and clear those blocks.
What thought is making me feel like I can’t let go, or in other words, like I need to control?
Maybe it’s a thought like “I’m a perfectionist.” Or, maybe I think “everything needs to be good and this isn’t good, so I need to make it good.”
In general, I don’t think we walk around sharing, or consciously thinking to ourselves, that we don’t think we are good enough or that whatever we do needs to be perfect in order to be acceptable.
But even without announcing them vocally, these kinds of thoughts show up subliminally and subconsciously and so subtly, so frequently. These thoughts are so familiar that we don’t even notice or question them.
My belief that I need to make content that is helpful and interesting and thought provoking and that it needs to be good enough has been a block for me this week.
What beliefs do you hold that are currently keeping you from moving towards letting go?
How To Find and Clear the Blocking Beliefs
You can dissect and dismantle your blocks in a few different ways: intellectually, metaphorically and subliminally.
My blocks about this post crumbled as I was talking about it with my friend. I was intellectually able to prove to myself that there is no such thing as a “good enough” post and that other people’s reaction to it is not in my control.
You can clear blocks intellectually by journaling about them or talking through the blocks to a friend or a coach (let me know if you want help with your blocks!)
A metaphorical way to clear your blocks could be really fun and creative. You could write what is blocking you on a piece of paper and burn it ceremoniously. You could do some kind of ritual to metaphorically represent the clearing of a block. Let me know if you decide to do something like this. It could be super interesting!
A subliminal way to clear something that is blocking you is to demonstrate to your brain how the block is not real. So for this week’s example, as I got started to work on it I was subliminally showing my brain that the block wasn’t actually blocking me.
One of my favorite ways to move towards something is to give what I think I want. This subliminally shows my brain that whatever I want is possible and available.
So, for example, if I want attention from others, I can shower others with attention.
If I want to feel financially abundant, I can leave a big tip and donate to my favorite cause.
If I want to feel like I have more time, I can slow down and consciously take time to break down the block of feeling rushed.
These are all examples I have applied in my life personally and they really do work!
Comfort in Discomfort
Part of your brain might be feeling a little uncomfortable about some of today’s ideas and suggestions. That is totally normal. You can count on discomfort as you consider letting go.
We can get comfortable in the discomfort of “giving up control.”
If one of the biggest blocks to letting go that you face is the fear of the unknown, that may be your brain’s way of signaling that you are not comfortable with discomfort. No kidding! Not many people are!
We Are Such a Paradox!
Our brains tell us “I want new, exciting and different and in the same breath, it tells us: I hope things never change!”
The funniest thing to me about the whole idea of giving up control is that we don’t even have control to give up!
If you are stressed out because you are planning every detail and forecasting how people will behave and what will happen, you are spending a lot of energy and inviting so much cortisol into your bloodstream over a misunderstanding.
Your brain thinks “if I plan everything and it goes according to plan, it will be known, not unknown. I like “known” better.”
The misunderstanding is the prediction that things will go according to plan.
The misunderstanding is that the future could ever be known, instead of unknown.
Verse to Practice Surrender
Here’s this week’s verse to repeat to yourself or just read silently.
You can modify it to make it your own, or choose something completely different.
Let me remember to be excited and joyful.
Fill me with curiosity, wonder and openness to new experiences.
I know I can enjoy and create and thrive.
I can be passionate and motivated.
Let life be comfortable. Let me be inspired. Let me surrender.
Chakra and Maslowe’s Hierarchy
Aligning with Maslowe’s hierarchy, by now hopefully, you know your survival needs are met – you have air, water, food and shelter, now you can focus on safety and security.
We have moved up from the root chakra to the sacral chakra, so we can think about relationships, pleasure and creativity.
A fun assignment for you this week might be to put 2 things together to create something new. Bring something into existence that did not exist before.
Why is it safe to give of myself freely?
What do I think about feelings of worthiness, resentment, guilt and shame?
How can I let life be comfortable, even when I am uncomfortable?
You can see more of the prompts and the activities to help you settle in to surrender in Section 3 of the Let Go & Surrender Journal.
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One More of my Blocks
I have one more block I’m noticing in my own thinking that I’ll tell you about\.
Next week I am hosting an in-person workshop. I want to offer it online too – but at the same time, so I want to create a hybrid event. But, I also want to keep things easy, simple and uncomplicated, so my block is my belief that the experience should be a “normal zoom workshop experience” for whoever joins on zoom.
I also have a blocking belief that I like to do things at a certain standard, and keeping it easy and uncomplicated means this hybrid experience won’t meet my standard.
So, this is me – letting go. Not trying to control the outcome or the experience for anyone who joins the workshop.
Other Links and Next Session
Leave me a comment about what you are accepting in your relationships and how you are clearing your blocks as you get comfortable in the discomfort of letting go.
Next, we will be talking about accepting responsibility and power as you surrender. It sounds like a contradiction – but it’s not! Check it out here: https://bexb.org/accept
This is part 3 of an 8 part series – start at the 1st part of this series at https://bexb.org/letgo/
Get the Let Go and Surrender Journal to follow along for these 8 posts: https://amzn.to/3vM0v5W
See upcoming events: https://bexb.org/letsmeet/
Get a weekly gentle journaling check in – https://bexb.org/weekly/
Join a daily journal prompt FB group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/journalingfriendship
Shop for irresistible notebooks: https://bexb.org/quickshop
Check out all the other stuff I do: https://bexb.org/links/
Thanks for doing this podcast. It is so full of questions and assignments. Now to decide what I can do during this week. Rose
Much to think about in this session. Thanks for your good work.