I’m trying something a little different for today’s post. This is a collection of random and various odds and ends that I’ve been thinking about and experiencing lately and I thought you might find them interesting – so here they are for you to read all the odds and ends that have been in my brain recently.
- I’ll tell you about a few things that are popping out to me lately.
- I’ll give you a little bit of a Behind-the-Scenes of my life
- And talk about what I’m listening to, reading and watching
- And then I’ll end with a short excerpt from some Inner Voice Writing I did earlier this week.
A Charcuterie Board
Think of this Odds and Ends episode as a charcuterie board – you can take what you like and leave what you don’t. Give something a little taste just because I’m offering it to you – even though you’d never consider it for yourself on your own.
Maybe you’ll share it with someone you love hanging out with! Sample all of it and mix up all the flavors and textures or you’ll just focus on one part you love the best and ignore the rest. You experience this post however you want!
Then, please, let me know what you think? Do you like this style? Did you prefer one part over the other? What do you want more of in future posts?
Just to catch you up on my behind-the-scenes for the past few months, in November my husband and I were renovating a house to move into. We moved into it (in its mostly renovated state) in December. The current house we’re living in now is in the neighboring city (Gilbert) from where our last house was (Chandler). It’s about a 20 minute drive.
Before this whole renovation and move started, I remember joking that there must be a Time Warp between Chandler and Gilbert because when I would drive over here (to Gilbert) to my parents house, I’d leave my house on time, but arrive late – even though there was no traffic delay and no stops along the way.
I also noticed that Time Warp going in the opposite direction, when we were getting the old house ready to rent, I was going to meet the renters and left on time.. But as I was driving, I got a text saying “aren’t we meeting now?” and I realized I was late.. And still had halfway to go. What happened to the time?
And now that I’m living in Gilbert, I’m wondering if there really is a Time Warp here – since I’ll start something, and then decide to check the time and notice that hours have passed, even though I just started doing it!
So I have unaccounted for minutes and hours since moving to Gilbert, and I’m kind of jokingly blaming it on a Time Warp.
What do you think? Do you have any experience with Time Warps – I want to hear about them! Or, do you have an alternate explanation? (Probably the most logical and obvious being that I’m not leaving the house exactly when I thought I was and I’m getting myself carried away with what I’m doing and not noticing the time).
You Can Never Get Enough of What You Don’t Really Need
You’ve probably heard me mention that I host a monthly podclub- which is like a book club, except we listen to a podcast episode instead of reading a whole book and then we get together on Zoom to discuss. If you want to join, just get the details for next month’s podclub.
Recently, we listened to an episode about money and underearning and it was super interesting and we had a great discussion. I love hearing everyone’s perspectives and what stood out to different people. One quote in that episode that really stood out to me is
“you can never get enough of what you don’t really need.”
What an interesting expression, right? What does it even mean? What’s it referring to?
It’s one of those expressions that sounds like it could be deep but also like it kind of doesn’t mean anything – like falsely profound. But, it has been so meaningful to me ever since I heard it and it keeps popping up for me in different ways.
What do you think? If you don’t really need something (like food, or money, or attention) but you find yourself craving it or binging on it, it implies you’re trying to fill up with something that can never fill you. Or maybe, that you’re trying to fill a hole that doesn’t even exist. I’ve got a lot more thinking to do on this expression. I’m so curious what your reaction to it is – and now that I’ve brought it up to you, I wonder if it will start popping into your awareness the way it has been for me.
Lessons from my Resistance to Renovation
Here are a few of the lessons I’ve realized in going through the whole renovation and moving process.
As soon as I started noticing how much resistance was coming up for me and how much practice I was getting in recognizing and releasing that resistance, I started to write down some of my lessons and some of the analogies I was noticing. And I noticed so many! And will probably come up with a few more as time passes and as I get fully settled into the new place. So, if you want a full episode of Lessons Learned from Renovation and Moving, let me know. But, in the meantime, here are 2 of them:
My brain kept telling me “there’s so much to do” and “it’s never ending!” Literally- I caught myself thinking those exact phrases and when I thought those things, I felt overwhelmed, and sorry for myself, and it wasn’t very motivating or empowering. So, I decided to make a “finite” list to show my brain that there were only X things to do. And before I even made the list, just imagining myself making a list and putting all the things on it, my brain calmed down. Isn’t that so interesting? When it told me the renovation was never ending and we’d never be fully done- I believed it and it scared me. As soon as I thought, Ok, let me put all those things down on paper, my brain couldn’t argue with the logic that no matter how many things I put, it would be a finite number and eventually, we would finish the list.
So, I didn’t even need the physical list to feel better – I just needed to disprove the the threatening, scary thought my brain was believing. And then, since I did make the list, it’s been so fun and encouraging and exciting to check things off as we finish them and see how much progress we’re making.
Pre Planning for Overwhelm
The 2nd lesson, also related to feeling overwhelmed and hopeless, because there was still so much to do, was on the opposite end of the move. Once we had moved 99% of our stuff into the new house, I kept going back to the old house to get the stragglers. All the little random stuff that wasn’t important enough to be included in the major packing and moving. Again, I noticed myself dreading going to the house because I didn’t want to feel that overwhelmed feeling. So, I realized I could pre-plan on having that feeling and accept, instead of, resist it. And once I accepted that I was going to feel overwhelmed -as soon as I saw all that random little stuff- I could plan on an intentional response to deal with it. I should have written down how I solved that since I can’t remember the specifics now (even though that was just a few weeks ago). But I do remember some strategies I used were to decide I was just filling my car and not worrying about the rest. I also made sure I had something interesting and uplifting to listen to as I packed. That helped so much!
What I’ve been Reading, Watching and Listening to lately
Lately I’ve been getting book and show recommendations from an online forum that I really like. Usually, for books, when someone in the forum recommends a book that it seems that I like or multiple people talk about it, I’ll go to my library account and put a hold on the book or add it to my waitlist since they’re usually never immediately available. Then, when they do become available, if I have time to read, I’ll dive in – so I’m not really choosing the books based on what I feel like reading, just what becomes available.
The Nothing Man is a crime novel about a serial killer in Ireland and the Night Stalker is a documentary about a serial killer in LA. These are not my normal taste. And consuming them both at the same time, on purpose, after I realized they were both very similar and one of them was actually a true story- it made me wonder would my mind have been attracted to something scary and violent and “negative.”
I think the purpose for the decision to read and watch something that scared me and made me uncomfortable is because it reminds me that our minds do seek drama, and fear, and, sometimes, we even use fear as entertainment? Which reminds me that it’s OK to feel fear, even intentionally. And that humans can experience terror and survive. So, even though I felt that fear and a little bit of terror as part of my own personal “entertainment” – which is weird to think about, that experience of consuming them at the same time, and wondering why, was like a little interesting reminder for me.
The Surrender Experiment
Now, for the completely opposite side of the spectrum. The book that’s currently having the biggest impact in my thoughts right now is The Surrender Experiment by Michael Singer. I was already totally in and hooked as I listened to the very first few sentences and he mentioned the phrase “living a life of non-resistance.”
I had no idea what the book was going to be about and continued to be surprised, gratified and inspired as the narration continued.
I will admit: I had some prejudice going into the book and throughout the majority of it. I’m not proud to share this, but I really did have some judgments about listening to the story of how a privileged, educated white male in the US seemingly had so much handed to him as he went about his life. Even as I was noticing those judgy thoughts, I was also questioning them too though – I thought “why am I thinking he’s had everything handed to him? Why am I thinking his life was so easy? It’s because of the way he’s telling the story – what he’s choosing to include and exclude, what perspective he’s sharing, how he’s spinning the events that occurred.
We Choose How We Tell our Stories
I realized I have that option too. We all do. We all get to choose how we tell our own stories- to the rest of the world and to ourselves.
That realization wasn’t new for me – in fact, I mentioned my belief that life is the story I tell myself is one of the concepts that changed my life. But for some reason, being reminded of that concept in this context really excited me. It made me want to go back over the events of my own life and retell myself my own story in the style of Michael Singer.
The premise of The Surrender Experiment is answering this question:
“Am I better off making up an alternate reality in my mind and then fighting with reality to make it be my way or am I better off letting go of what I want and serving the forces of reality that created the entire perfection of the universe.”
Woah! What a concept! It’s basically asking should I resist what’s happening or should I surrender to what’s happening?
Control is an Illusion
I think 2020 set me up for being ready to receive this book. 2020 taught all of us- and me personally- that control is an illusion. My word for the year 2020 was Resistance- getting to know it, recognizing it, and releasing it. After focusing on resistance for over a year now, I realize, this is a long process. You know the expression “you don’t know what you don’t know?” Now, after being a resistance researcher for about the past 18 months, I’m seeing how much I don’t know yet and this book gave me a perfect mentor, even if he is a privileged, white male.
Speaking of perfect – you know I love that word and.. The subtitle of the book is My Journey into Life’s Perfection. What a perfect title! Don’t you love that!?
As soon as I finished the book, I went to my library app where I was listening and clicked on start over! I can’t wait to re-listen and pick up on all the parts I glossed over or didn’t pay close enough attention to the first time. Plus, now that I know about the plot twist in his story, I’ll be listening with a different perspective the 2nd time around.
Have you read this book, or heard of it? I’m so excited to meet other people who know and love this work to hear their perspectives and share insights – so let me know if that’s you! Or, if this is the first you’re hearing of it and if you’d like a more in-depth book report and think I should do an entire episode on my reactions to and me realizations from the book, let me know that too!
And, I just want to add how funny it is that I had a whole plan outlined for Season 2 of this podcast. I had some future favorite teachers I was pretty sure I’d be talking about and books I’d be discussing. And this wasn’t even on the list – but I have felt such a shift in me this past week and I can not wait to see what else comes up with this experience.
A Conversation with My Inner Voice
You know I have my beloved morning ritual. Sometimes as I’m journaling, I drop into my inner voice to ask a question or get some guidance. And sometimes, I get a nudge or hint that I could ask my inner voice, but I resist. That’s my mind fearing what the Inner Voice has to say!
So, this specific morning, I got the idea I should drop into my Inner Voice- but, I didn’t have a specific question or problem I wanted guidance on so my mind told me “no, you don’t need to.” I’m so glad I didn’t resist.
As you read, I hope you consider the answers I got as direct answers for you too. That’s why I’m sharing this almost verbatim. I hope these answers give you something to think about and feel inspired by.
Why am I having this inner voice conversation today? To connect.
Connect with what? Yourself, me, your true essence, your knowingness. The place in you that doesn’t doubt and doesn’t fear and only knows and loves.
What does that connection do for me? It makes you whole. That’s the reason you connected so much with the phrase “you can’t get enough of what you don’t really need.” When you are whole you know you don’t need anything.
Do I feel whole now? Not often.
Why not? Scared.
Scared of what? Scared this can’t be true – “what if you’re wrong?”
What if I am wrong? It’s not. You don’t need reassurance.
But I think I do? You don’t need assurance. If you need it, there’s no such thing.
Remember you can’t get enough of what you don’t really need. You think you need it so you can never get enough.
You are already whole – without any assurance. You don’t need to try or prove, or improve anything.
Be open. Be curious. Be generous. Be allowing. Be present. That’s all.