I’m fascinated by transformation right now! I’m creating a few transformations for myself in my life. I’m watching my coaching clients transform themselves as they explore their own thoughts and feelings and behaviors.You can transform yourself too! Have you decided on an area you want to change? Is there a part of your life or your self that you wish was different?
4 Tips for Transformation
Today I want to give you 4 practical tips that you can apply immediately to welcome your own transformation. The 4 tips are to believe in your transformation, to take the next step, to notice other people and to be resourceful.
Let’s break each of these tips down and talk about some specific examples so that you can decide if you want to use any of these tips for yourself.
The first tip is the most important and it sounds vague and fluffy but it is the best tip for transformation that I can offer you. And it works. And it’s so good! It can be easy in the flowy way, but you also might wish it was easier because it might seem hard and impossible.
Believe in your Transformation
The first tip is for you to Believe in your transformation. Believe you are transforming. Believe it’s happening.
This is a great time for a resistance check, because I imagine (because I’ve been experiencing this for myself) that you may not be able to believe in your transformation yet, you may not be thinking that you are changing. You may not see any evidence that it IS happening. Especially if you just decided this morning, or earlier this week, on the transformation you want.
Do you have any resistance to believing in the transformation you want for yourself?
Maybe it’s kind of like a low-level passive resistance along the lines of “I want to believe, but how would I even do it (it meaning transform, not believe.. Or maybe also believe- maybe you’re wondering how you could do either). Is that it? Are you telling yourself you’re curious about HOW?
2 Kinds of How
And just like there are 2 Easys.. I also think there are 2 “hows”, so I want to point out the difference for you so you know which “How” you’re asking yourself. You may be asking yourself “How”? With a feeling of resistance, while feeling a little unsure, and unconvinced. There may be some tinges of lack and fear mixed in with your disbelief or suspension of faith.
In this case, the how is more along the lines of “how would I do that? How could I create that? How could it even work?” and what you might actually be asking for are the specifics, the tangibles, the evidence, the steps to take that are guaranteed. You might be thinking, I could believe, or I could transform, if I just knew exactly how to do it.
Or, and here comes the 2nd type of how, You may be asking yourself “How”? from a feeling of belief and, therefore curiosity. For example, “I know I’m in this transformation, I wonder how it will be.. I wonder how it’ll go?” I wonder how I will feel on the other side. Isn’t this one fun?
So when you think of your transformation, notice if you hear “how” in your thoughts (like “I want to believe, but how would I even do it?”) check in to discover if it is a how of un-belief (as in, I need to know the steps) or belief (as in, this is happening.. And I’m curious).
I’m calling it un-belief instead of disbelief because, I don’t think you’re actively disbelieving that it’s possible- like purposely coming up with evidence and examples that contradict your belief (but maybe your brain is doing a little of that for you). I call it un-belief because you just haven’t completely started to believe it yet.
As an analogy, if I give you a brand new package of Pentel Flair Felt Tip Markers (my favorite!) You have them, you see them, you know they will be amazing to write with.
But until you open them to start using them, they are unopened. Same with your belief, until you believe it to start using it, it is un-believed.So, when you open the pens, you’ll enjoy them and use them, but while they’re unopened.. You can see them and think about them, but you can’t use them yet.
Same with your belief. When you believe in the possibility of your transformation (or better yet, the probability and even the inevitably of your transformation) you’re using that belief to transform. When you haven’t started believing yet.. You can imagine and think about your transformation.. But you can’t use those thoughts until you do start believing.
Daily Belief Scale
A practical tip that I’ve been using and loving for the past few months is a daily journal exercise called the belief scale. I’ve decided on the transformation I want. That’s already decided. It’s as good as done. But now, I have to get myself on board. I have to convince myself of it and replace any long held, habitual doubts and lack of confidence with solid gold belief and assurance and confidence and faith.
So every morning, I repeat the new belief to myself, and ask myself, on a scale of 1-10 how much do I believe it? – and I just write down the first number that pops into my brain. I don’t judge the number, I don’t negotiate with the number- whatever number comes up first, I write it down. Then I ask myself.. “Hmm, Why do I believe this at that level”, like at 2? And I list all the reasons why the belief is at level 2 on a scale of 1-10.
Once. I’ve written down all the reasons why my belief is the current number it is, then I ask myself, and IF I believed this at a 10 today, what would I be thinking.
And I write down all those thoughts. This is so interesting.. Because these aren’t my thoughts yet.. But..because my brain came up with them, just for the purpose of the exercise, I know they are available for me to think. So sometimes, after I make that list – from the top of the 1-10 belief scale.. I review the thoughts and ask myself.. Could I believe that thought? Is that thought possible for me to think? And sometimes they are.
If this sounds familiar.. This daily exercise closely resembles the Transformation Deep Dive technique I described in the Resistance post. That one was all about uncovering layers of resistance and then agreeing and disagreeing with the resistance to disarm it. The Belief Scale exercise does something similar, but this one also causes me to get creative in another way to think of thoughts I could believe, even if I don’t believe them yet.
Colliding Worlds of Resistance and Transformation
I want to share a little personal story here that demonstrates the colliding worlds of resistance and transformation. I’ve been doing this belief scale work daily- and loving it! And loving all the example thoughts I come up with when I imagine believing at a 10, and I’ve seen my belief make progress up the scale as I do this practice every day.
But- and here’s the collision.. I noticed some resistance to doing the belief scale!
Here’s what happened: I was doing my daily journaling and I thought.. Ok, belief scale time and I noticed myself thinking “actually, it’s getting kind of late.. I don’t have time to do this exercise today. What!?! That’s Avoidant Resistance right there – did you see that?
Or, on another day, same thing.. belief scale time and I noticed myself thinking “well, since I recently changed the belief I was working on, I can’t actually remember what the new belief is that I’m trying to believe (so I flip back a few pages to find it again), then I say “yeah, actually, I don’t really like the way I wrote it.. I should rephrase it, because this is a little unclear and confusing.” WHAT?? That’s Passive Resistance right there – did you see that?
So, what do I learn by noticing my own resistance to doing an exercise that I love, that I know works, that helps me, that causes me to create really good thoughts for myself? I have got some resistance to uncover around this specific belief that the mind in me is telling me I don’t have time for and that I’m confused by – so interesting right!?
I share that story #1 to hold myself accountable- since now you know and I can tell myself that you might call me out on it next time we talk, or you might send me an email some random morning checking to see if I did my belief scale and #2 so that you recognize exactly how it shows up in my case so that maybe you’ll recognize it if resistance pops up this way for YOU.
Take the Next Step
Let’s move on to the 2nd tip to facilitate your own transformation. The tip is just to take the next step. Just try out whatever you’re transforming into.
Once you’ve decided on your transformation, and started working to believe it is possible for you, you may notice some passive resistance suggesting that you’re not sure how to start or you’re confused about what to do to get the transformation. My advice here is just ask yourself “what’s the next step (or the first step?) and then just DO that!
I really believe the answers we seek are inside of us. I really believe that our intuition, our inner voices, know and want what’s best for us. I think we know more than we think we know. So, even if you think you don’t know how to get started, or how to move forward, on this transformation, I bet you might!
One reason why you might think you don’t, is because your ego may be telling you that you could make a mistake, or take the wrong path, or spend time on something that’s not going to work. That’s not even a “might” that is actually most likely to happen! You can count on those thoughts coming up for you. So, what do you do?
You be willing to learn and be uncomfortable and experience doubt and mind chatter. You be willing to just choose the next-or first step.. Either from advice you find online, or a suggestion from a friend.. Or from the inside of your own imagination and you just TRY IT!
See what happens. See what you notice. See what you learn! Maybe, it’s the exact right thing to get you one step closer to your transformation – maybe this is going to be easy! Or, maybe it doesn’t get you closer to your transformation at all (as far as you can see right now, from this early vantage point) that’s ok, maybe this is not going to be easy.. We don’t need things to be easy, right?
Example of Taking the Next Step
My example of just taking the next step and having that progress me in my transformation is creating workshops. If you’ve been following along with me the past few months, you’ve seen me offer workshops on a variety of topics (maybe you even joined one of them, or watched a replay!)
So, when I first started offering the workshops, I did think to myself: I don’t know how to do a workshop (btw, that was totally a lie- total fear from my mind- because I used to do workshops ALL. THE. TIME. as part of my job at a company I worked at years ago. I loved doing them!)
Anyhow.. Fast forward back up to 2020, around February or March, I wanted to transform into a coach who offered online workshops, so my first step was to watch some training videos from my coach certification program to see how they recommended I do the workshops. Then I created my first workshop following their template. I had a lot of resistance. I did not feel comfortable.
I did not like how those early workshops turned out. They were not great. But, you know what else also happened? I had done 1, then 2, then a few workshops.
I started learning what I did like. I started seeing and remembering how natural I had been back in my old life when I used to do workshops in my old career. I could feel myself transforming as I was taking each next step. I was figuring out HOW I wanted to do it.
Even though those early first steps weren’t a direct path to how I create my workshops now, those first steps got me started, helped me gain confidence, and helped me collect information that showed me the NEXT step I wanted to take.
Notice other People
The third tip I have for you to transform is to notice other people. Find someone who already is or has what you want.
Earlier this year I learned about the concept of Expanders. I heard about this from Lacy Phillips work and I was immediately smitten and became so curious about who my expanders are!
She describes what expanders are in a pretty Woo way.. So if you’re not into the Woo, here’s a more generic explanation. Expanders are people (either real or fictional) who expand your belief in what’s possible for you. They demonstrate to you that something you previously thought was impossible, or not possible for you IS possible, they’re doing it, living it, displaying it.
Once your brain sees someone else with what you want.. Even if it’s in a movie.. Your brain can take a tiny (or maybe a major) step into believing it is possible for you. Noticing other people is like finding and deciding on expanders for yourself.
What Transformation do you Want for Yourself?
So, think about the transformation you want for yourself. Is it to lose weight? Is it to get a new job? Is it to start your own business? Is it to grow your coaching practice (that’s one of mine!)
Then, think about someone who already has that – is there anyone in the world who has lost the amount of weight you want to lose? Either someone you know personally, or follow online, or a fictional character in a book or movie? Of course there is! So you can notice that person.. And find what you have in common with them and see that it’s possible for them, so why wouldn’t it be possible for you!
And.. if at this point, your brain offers you some really good reasons why it was possible for them and not for you- that’s PERFECT! You have just uncovered some resistance! And now that you’re aware of the resistance.. You can work on releasing it!
To sum up the third step – notice other people who have or are doing what you want, and then, either believe in the possibility for yourself because you see those other people doing it – or use your reasons for not believing to uncover your resistance to work on so you can believe it! Win- win, either way!
And finally, the last transformation tip I have for you is to Be Resourceful. Remember how we discussed the question of “How” – this tip can be an answer to that question. If you find yourself asking how you could do something, just Google it! I’m serious!
Or, Ask in a Facebook Group, ask for Help – announce the transformation.. People might offer help, or advice or suggestions, or encouragement. I can’t emphasize enough how helpful, and expanding this one is. I don’t understand why people don’t think of it more often. If you don’t frequently google every question you have, can you please work on making this a habit for yourself?
I’m not saying you have to faithfully and unquestioningly follow whatever suggestion google gives you, and I’m not saying that you’ll necessarily get good answers to your question – but it is another way to OPEN your mind.It’s another way to offer you a tangent to what you’re wondering about.
Who knows? it might provide an answer for you, or some insight, or another way to think about it. So, just as a fun exercise, I googled a few of the transformation examples I’ve been using:
4 Examples of Being Resourceful
Should I move? – The first article included 7 signs that it might NOT be the right time to move and google suggested an additional 4 questions I might want to ask myself (including How do you know when it’s time to move, is moving a good idea, and what should I consider before moving). I think all of those questions would make great journal prompts and self-coaching exercises!
When I googled “How can I quit my job?” – I got a 4 step process from Indeed. Easy Peasy! If I want to quit my job, but I’m allowing myself to get all caught up and confused about how to quit, I could just follow indeeds 4 steps and be done with it! Transformation complete!
There was also a Muse article called “what I learned from quitting my job with no plan.” Ooh.. interesting! That piques my interest! And who knows, maybe the author of the article can become an expander for me- when I notice what was possible for the author, I may consider it for myself.
Finally, just for experimentation purposes, I googled “What should I do with my life?”
The first non-Ad article that popped up offered me 8 questions that would tell me the answer to that question. Love it! More opportunities for introspection and self-reflection! I also got 3 suggested videos from google, one of which was a TED Talk- which reminded me that I really like TED talks- so that gave me hope that I’d get some interesting advice and insight by watching that video.
Do you see how being resourceful (also known as googling) just gave me some options and information and additional questions to ask myself that I wouldn’t have had otherwise?What will you google today?
Wrapping Up the 4 Tips
Let’s wrap up! Believe in yourself, Take the Next Step, Notice other people and Be Resourceful. Those are the 4 top tips you can use to create your own transformation for yourself.
Remember, the #1 thing you can do is to start believing in the inevitability of your transformation. That one makes all the other steps easier! Then you will be able to keep on taking steps towards your transformation, notice that other people who already have what you want and be resourceful to get information and encouragement to move the transformation along.
That is what I wanted to share with you today. Hopefully you’ll use 1 or all 4 of these tips to transform yourself and your life. I believe in you. I know it’s possible.
And if you’re thinking- “yeah, all these steps sound good and I would try them, but I’m not even sure what transformation I want for myself”
..or if you just want any guidance, or an unbiased 3rd party to help you decide on your transformation, schedule a free call with me where we will walk through an exercise together to figure it out. This exercise gives you awareness about some of your habitual thinking and programmed beliefs.
Which of the tips are you most likely to use? Which of the tips seems a little too far out there for you?